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Notes during the marriage seminar led by Peter and Judy Cha on Saturday Dec 1, 2007.
God's plan for our lives: whether single or married, to train us to be more like Him both sweet and bitter moments for our holiness and sanctification, spritual growth when we are single, we can just avoid and escape when others point out our faults our bitter moments reveal the most about our true selves
Speaker's own early experience in marriage based on self happiness: when no longer happy, question the marriage seek eople's approval, particularly approval from spouse blame spouse when they don't praise us
God exposes the deep roots that rob us of our real joy idols – things that takes the place of Christ we look to our spouse for what only Christ can fulfill e.g. before being defenive, think of your feelings – shame, fear,etc Don't expect the ultimate love and respect from your spouse, and get angry at them when they don't deliver; look to Christ instead
God created us to glorify Him, by loving our spouse in the midst of conflict (On the first page of the handout, we have part of the catechism Chief aim of man is to “Glorify God & enjoy Him forever”. John Piper changed the word '&' to 'by'.) A. Christ and the church Paul : marriage is the physical mirror of Christ and the Churh Jesus lovesus, not because we are lovely, but so that we become lovely. Don't focus onwhether your spouse delivers,but on your own role. B. Cultivating intimacy intimcy is possible only in a permanent covenant couples build intimacy through ordinar situations intimacy = emotional connection secular research: good observers, but don't understand the deep causes of faith communication as major component
Communication verbal and intense eye contact from women how we pay attention to each other when one talks Bid and Response model Bid: not a lteral reuest for attention; could b a facial expression, touch, wink, tone of voice, ... Response: ppay attention, care for partner Bidders expect empathy Response can either turn away, toward, or against Against = becomes angry, disturbed
How to turn towards in moment of conflict: 1. Sin causes us to be defensive 2. lack communication skills: C. Regulating conflicts, instead of resolving (fix) conflict we may deal with perpetual issues without resolution e.g. personality differences how well you relate to each other this has to do with our hearts and our attitudes
To be continue ... |
